I wanted to revive this monstrosity in some capacity...

Just post two or three lines pushing along the action. Emphasis on making it funny and bizarre. You do not have to keep it FreeSpace related. I just wanted it to start like the classic. 

One day Admiral Bosch woke up on the NTF Iceni to the sight of King St Bee!  Who suddenly began to...

Do teppanyaki tricks on a grill. She does the onion volcano...

...quite well, actually. Everybody applauds politely. Except for...

Carl the shivan, who had previously been the Iceni's beloved grill master. What with his five dexterous limbs and all. He approaches KSB and says...